During my pregnancy and after his birth and death one big question plagued my mind. Could I go through another pregnancy and have a healthy child? I wondered if those women who had been through my situation went on to have more children or did they go through another agonizing loss? For those of you who may be wondering the same thing here is what happened to me after our loss.
I had felt in those weeks following the home going of baby Curtis a deep desire to have another baby. I had “empty arms” a sense of loneliness. I prayed that Joey and I would not end our childbearing years with the death of a baby. I seemed to be in a constant state of prayer over this matter and seeking God’s will for our family. I talked it over with Joey and he pleasantly surprised me when he said that whenever I was ready we could try again.
Curtis was born in April and by June I was fertile again so I was eager to be pregnant. Eager, yes, but seriously frightened. We did not know what had caused the problems in my pregnancy with Curtis, we had no control, it was completely in God’s hands. Were we strong enough to face another crisis if that’s what was to happen? I knew that if God could provide the strength we needed before that he would supply it again. Lamentations 3:19-25 “Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” And so we would step out in faith.
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